ALOHA!

11:14 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
hello! so long didnt update my blog! haha.. didnt change the layout too! sad! haha! no time lar.. had been busy... guess wat... i actually read thru all my previous blog today.. and realise how dumb i was.. haha.. yeah... gotten bf liao ler... hehe... chinese... 19... haha... okie lar... and im happy wif him... he's more than wat i expect... haha... he came and enter wen my heart is broken... and im considered lucky to have a bf like him.. i realise this blog had been filled wif sorrow and sadness ever since it is created.. no worries... i hope it will be fill wif happiness since im happy all the time.. i had forgotten the past and i hope every1 forgives mii if i had done any wrongs to them... new year coming.. i hope of no enemys and revenge liao ler.. haha... i wanna start a new year afresh wif my bf.. next year O level.. haha... time to pull up my socks and break a leg wen exam coming.. haha... im taking a break from my percussion group after chingay... haha... no time to play liaoler.. hmmm. .. so many things had happened and i didnt even bother to write it down here.. the main objective of this blog is for memories.. haha... in fact, i forgets alot of things but managed to recall it after reading some of the blogs.. i've cut my hairr... haha.. no1 gonna touch it liao ler.. except for CHAI DEREN! hu still wanna play wif my hand although it is short.. haha... my grandma had passed away too... nearly 2 months... it seems like yesterday.. i can still remember how she looks, how she is.. where she always sitting and many more.. sometime, at night, i could hear her coughing... could hear her waking mii up.. could hear her scolding mii... wen i reach home, i could see her sitting waiting for mii.. now, wen im scolded by my mum, i dun have any1 to comfort mii.. if i have no money, i got no1 to ask for xtra... i still cant believe she is gone... coz i had always tot she could passed by 2005 wif mii.. and reach the age of 80... at times, everytime i tot of her leaving, i would cry.. now, the tot of her all the time can easily make mii cry... now, im always alone at home.. how i wish she is by my side... evrytime, im scared to enter the toilet at night, i'll sleep beside her but now.. the room is always empty... waiting for some1 to sleep in it... i cut my hair also bcoz of her... having long hair, will remind mii of her.. it;s not tat i dun wan to remember her.. but.. so much sadness.. HARIYANI! look on the bright side and remember the happy times wif her, k? gosh! okie... this blog is getting SENTIMENTAL... haha... let's tok bout STRIKE IT UP! it is my first outside percussion show! haha... to mii, i make some mistakes during bayport sketch.. and quite dissapointed... haiz... but was shock to see alot of my frens came to support.. if not for mii, at least they r there to support the show.. haha... den today, got gatherings... haha... =) see ya lar! wen i see u!

haiz...

9:48 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
so long didnt update my blog.. haha.. here i am again.. now.. i've reach my final examination and tmr is my lst paper which is A maths... sad...??? yes... coz i have confidence tat i'll flung this time..

bad... sad....

10:33 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
exam over and i had a prob... sadly... on monday, the last day of my paper, i tot of going to east coast to release stress and i went wif pheiyani and jokhie onli.. fery called and said she's bored and she happen to tell mii tat edwin, sheryl and say haow going east coast to cycle... so, i tot of joinin them and cycle together... they did come to us... but they cycle first and didnt wait for us.. and end up mii, pheiyani, jokhie and say haow... they cycle to mac to eat, guess they must be very hungry... sadly, we didnt get to meet them anymore... den we cycle really far.. suddenly, dunno y, we decided to call them... and we heard tat edwin got injured... and the say if we could help them buy water as we were told tat he got heat stroke.. den we buy for him and mistaken where there r i guess.. therefore, we from pit 58 travel to pit 1 in a rush... we end up hurting ourselves... and wen we reach pit 1, we gave them a call and ask them where they r and we were told tat they r at bedok jetty... we were mad coz we were near there at the very first place.. and became unhappy... den we return our bike and wait for them to return their bike back too.. den we end up seeing sheryl and kenny only.. guess edwin went back liao... after meeting them, we did nothing other than walk off seperate ways.. my mistake was i get mad at them... den on tuesday, mii, pheiyani and say haow meet up and tok bout the situation... den come today, school day... we met them a couple of times and they didnt say anything to us except kenny... kenny did tok to mii... bu the sad thing is, hte others didnt... and we reall y tot tat they also unhappy wif us... i hate fighting wif my own good frens... and these lead to tears... i dun want to cry after exam ... but i did also... i dunno y... my heart got hurt wen it comes to this... i cry since monday and really got hurt since monday.. but i hold back everything and end up crying badly today... i spent 2 hrs thinkin of wat i did wrong... i feel really remorseful... bu the thing is, does everythin tat happen is cause by mii??? am i the wrong 1??? if i am, i really sorrie.. i dunno... i juz want to be happie always although i noe i cant... if it is my fault, im really really very sorrie... but i still dunno, wat wrong did i do...

stress!!!!

6:39 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
im so stressed up!!! with all the stuff around mii!!! guess i can never live in peace!!! y life is very very stressful wherever it comes to exam??? early in the morning, had a fight wif some1 at home... in skool, seeing his face, the way he ignnore mii, it juz too painful for mii... everyday and night i wished and wished tat i should forget everythin bout u... but it gets worst than wat i expect!!! it's either i live without thinking of u or be together wif u!!! but being together is impossible!!! and tat's the fact and i had accept the fact... y wherever i wanna think bout u, i dun wan it and wherever i dun wan it, it came to mii over and over again??? i really dun wanna think bout u... i hate thinking bout u coz i've fallen deep in love wif u... and if this go on, it'll hurts alot... and i have to prevent all this... i have to! i have accepted the fact tat i dun like u anymore, i dun want to like u anymore and i dun wan to think bout it anymore... bout y is ur image, ur name, ur face keep on playin in my mind... i hate u so much tat i love u... i shouldnt had fall in luv wif u... god, i believe and have faith in u... please help mii pull thru alll this hardship and make mii stronger and better person... if all this had to happen for the sake of better future, i will take this way and go on... i noe u meant well in everythin u do... please make mii strong to go thru all this... amin...

i'm sorrie...

10:26 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
i dun wanna tell u straight at ur face... but im sorrie... wen u say shut up at mii, i juz cant accept it... i take it like u juz shouted at mii... and all i realise is tat im mad at u.. and i cry... im really sorrie for anything u feel bad on... im really sorrie...

stress!!!!!!

6:13 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
WALAU!!! exxam is juz around the corner and im like slacking all the way... i supopse to be studying now also!!!!!!! WALAU!!! ihave this strong feeling tat im gonna fail my exam... especially maths!!! dammit... i really and totally slacking in my mathematics... how i wish mr ong is around to support... afterall, all i need is myself in everything... i sahll not depends on others... must be independent... i guess i have to leave everything to fate... i shall work harrd, pray to god and believe in him... afterall, i believe he decide everything... i also believe tat everything tat happen had it's own reason behind it.. one more thing is... i really had a very terrible day.. wat a family problem i had in the corner of my exam and alot of things also!!! ireally hate it... but i guess this is a challenge for mii to overcome all this no matter wat... haiz... god... please support mii...

bad day...

2:47 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
i think i really had a bad day today... and i really hate myself today.. diz afternoon, i cried coz im unable to understand a single thing in my A maths lesson.. and also, im kinda dissapointed wif my A maths result but considered lucky coz i passed... den after skool, i went to geylang east old folks home... den on the way home, in a bus, i start to hate myself bcoz i got jealous... i even feel like crying in the bus... but i hold myself back... after returning my camera and i wait for my frens to go home together... i suddenly recall wat happen to mii today... and i really hate myself... i got jealous... i shouldnt feel tat way at the first place... tat's y i really hate myself... i avoid all calls and smses since den... i even went online kinda late... i juz need peace to myself... i was searching for myself... but today, i had a deep tok wif arif... he able to comfort mii down... everything he tell mii make sense but i juz unable to apply it... i juz have a hard time applying it... am i running away from the truth??? im really dissapointed wif myself.. first thing, i shouldnt be jealous, i shouldnt control other ppl's life... i dunno... im juz confused and also sick toking bout it... i had told myself to stop thinking of him... and i even tot tat im fine... and i juz wanna start everything afresh... den suddenly, my heart hurts wen... u noe lah... tat's the moment i really felt jealous... it happen more than 1 time... and it will happen repeatedly... and now, im considerating of changing skool so tat i could get diz problem over... but it seems lilke im running away from my own problem... and tat is not mii... im suppose to overcome it wif all i could... i dunno... im juz too confused...

very stress!!!

4:16 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
suddenly i feel tat i forgot all my maths stuff and techniques... i cant remember a thing in my e maths chapter 6... azif i didnt learn tat chapter... as i trying to recall my lesson, i cant remember a thing and feel like crying... walau... other thing like love story and other r bothering mii too... i dun understand my situation at all... im thinking tat wat am i doing wif my life... i dun want to regret on later days, in the future... i dun want and never want to... y must life is always full of sorrow...?? wen im in a queit day. i start thinking, is watever im going thru is good for mii in the future??? i dun mind suffering now as long as a have a happie future... but my frens word is running wild in my mind... am i really too young for all this??? am i??? really??? i dunno... i'm confused... am i rite to say im running away from the truth??? i really dunno...

I FAIL!!!

9:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
im really sad today... i fail my E maths test!!! i cant believe it lor... fail lei!!! walau!!! of i fail E maths, how bout my A maths??? dammit!!!

im a bad gal...

6:27 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
im really a bad gal... i shouldnt felt jealous... i should be happy for him... isnt tat wat i want at the first place.. im really a bad gal... oh god... may i be strong to overcome all this...

heart vs brain

8:34 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
if u love some1, the person stays in ur heart as long as u love them... but once u had some1 else take the place, the person stays in ur mind... no matter how hard i try, i'll never be able to forget the 1 tat i love... till now... i can still remember all the ppl tat i had fallen for... liek now, i am in love but 1 sided... i dunno, everytime i love some1, it has a different story all the way... now, i love some1, i hope im able to love him forever... whether the relationship happen between us, tat is not a factor... all i noe, i love him so much and will always continue loving him... it not wrong... as long as i didnt do anything wrong, then it's fine... we need not be together... i'll love u always... i noe i wanted to give u up, but my love for u had not gone anywhere... pheiyani, u r right... im not 100% ready yet... all i noe is tat im mentally prepare... in any case, i think tat im doing the right thing... giving up a person is not as easy as u may think... i've tried my best and i noe there's a reason behind everythin i do.. i may be dumb, but at least i noe im doing something rite... im sacrificing something for the sake of some1 happiness.. im sincere bout tat... my fren said he unable to forget the 1 he love... do u think i can??? really hope im tat strong....

i think...

5:32 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
dear fren... this morning, i realise that watever i wrote for u on my blog earlier on indirectly telling u to accept the gal hu love u and also not to accept... now let mii tell u directly tat dun accept her... seriously... she thinks tat she's all prepare to be rejected... and prepare to overcome anything tat's coming due to this decision... live up ur love story... go and take this chance... to see u suffer, it suffer more on her... it hurts her alot... this morning, during the morning assembly, she saw u and she got the chance to tok to u for a while outside her english lesson..she told u tat she read ur blog... suddenly something struck her thinking like a lightning... and she walk away and unable to hear wat u reply after she told u tat she had read ur blog... she wanted to run away to the toilet but then her fren suddenly had reach the class and she change her mind then... she keep on thinking during her english class... seriously, she wasnt concentrating on her lesson... she was thinking in a long term... if u were to accept her, u still will not be able to forget the 1 u love... would she feel happy to see u in tat situation... loving is not juz about love and trusts, it is also about sacrifices.. she believes in tat line... she was thinking, she might be happy at first tat she got the 1 she love alot but then, soon, she wun be happy any longer... being together but ur heart are not... does tat makes sense.. tat' not love at all... u and her wun be happy together... if i were to be in ur shoes, i'll forget bout the guy hu likes mii and concentrate on the guy i love instead... but tat's not wat u did... and it makes her realise tat u r far too good for her... she's juz lucky to love and noe some1 like u... since she' the 1 in love wif u, let her end up this love story itself... she's ready for it... wat will happen to her after tat... only god know... if u had read this, my dear fren, sms or email her to tell her tat u had read it so tat she wun feel uneasy... she wants to start treating u as her good fren now but u may not think tat way... in fact, she feels tat u r avoiding her... she wants u to treat her like how u treat all ur good frens like ernest, jokhie, edwin, julian, pheiyani and many more... do this favour my fren...

problem to solve...

2:49 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
i had a fren... he posted his problem on the net on 26 march... i soon realise hu's he referin to... hope i got it rite... and this is for u, my fren... u caught in a situation where u fell in love wif some1 and some1 else's love u, u r caught up in the middle bcoz u juz dun wanna break some1 heart and also unable to forget the 1 u love... u r a great angel but u cant let nature takes it's course bcoz without u realising it, u r hurting 2 person... the person who loves u and urself... worst scenario if the person u love noes tat u love her... decision making is the best 1 but it is very crucial... make up ur mind my dear fren... if u think u r too young for all this, then u r wrong... the past few days u spent wif the person hu loves u was a memorable 1... and she hopes it is the last time... somehow, the 1 tat love u felt hurt... she trying her best to recover... she even try to erase all her memories she had wif u and treat it like a normal thing tat good frens go thru... no matter wat, she unable to forget u... simply bcoz u r too special for her... she think she could do anything for u but sometimes end up worse than wat is expected... she hopes tat she could let nature take it's own course but then, she realise tat, tat's stupid... it's like waiting for a drop of rain in a drought... the longer she wait, she continues to believe tat u r the 1... but on the mean time she soon realise tat u r in love wif some1 else... how heartbroken she is... she even thought of giving up on u for the sake of ur happiness.. u taught her to sacrifice for other ppl happiness and she had believes in it... and she wants to do tat... seeing u sad makes her sad more... every night juz continue killing her.. she cant stop thinking of u... and now she stuck in almost the same situation as u... for the sake of the 1 she love, she sacrifice her love and continue healing her heart and try her best to forget the love for u or continue believing tat u r meant for her... posting ur problems on the net makes her intuation stronger tat u r in love wif some1 and mayb she had find out hu's the lucky gal... she had the strong feeling tat u r in love wif some1 but somehow she's reluctant to accept tat fact and thought tat it was juz a wild thought runnning about due to jealousy... but also, somehow, she wanna sacrifice her love for u... she's also unable to decide on an answer... she letting this matter at rest bcoz she's making this crucial decision making... but do one thing my dear fren... be normal wherever u r wif her... do not avoid her as she believes, these r the factor tat lead to her decision.. true love wins my dear fren... love comes without inviting and leave against ur wishes... she dun wanna fall in love but at last she did... she noes it gonna hurt but somehow... she wanna to avoid love and end up falling for it... wat can she do to tat feeling... she noe love will never happen for her and tat's the main reason y she avoid it... but wat happen at last??? u noe it my dear fren... for the past few days, wen u r busy preparing for ur skool show, she is busy somehow... she cried alot bcoz she had all her stress gathered up... she was told tat u do not take her love for her u seriously and she was mad... wif her stress in skool mix wif her love story, she cried and cried... and told every1 tat she do not noe the main problem and reason of her cries... she tot her cry would release all her problem but it doesnt... somehow, she was expecting ur concern but u noe wat u did... u r close and next to her but yet it seems to be very far... u r next to her and u dun realise many things tat happens around her or mayb u act u dunno... simply bcoz u fear tat ur every move will get the wrong idea and without u realising it, it hurts her... she cried in silence... she's an egoistic gal hu tried not to cry in front of u as it shows tat, tat's her weakness... but can u read her facial expression??? have u tried??? or u dun dare??? all her fren hu noe the whole situation, the whole story call her dumb... she dun mind it... and tat's her true weakness... she dun care bout the whole god damn world and live in the world of fantasy wif u... it's 1 sided... but it's so beautiful... it hurts too... hurts alot tat she even think tat after u, no1 else will be able to win her heart unless it's fated... she truly believes tat u r meant for her after god gives her a new life... u noe tat, didnt u?? if not, refer back to her letter tat she pass to u before going for her op.. she stills remember all tat and will never forget bout it... all to best my fren... all the things tat was told doesnt shows or tells u to accept the gal hu love u but in fact reject it... and propose to her tat u want her to be ur very close fren... tat's all... i hope u didnt get the wrong idea...

realise??

4:04 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
i've been missing in the lost world for the past few days... i suddenly realise alot of things... i've been dreaming alot of things in these few days and it taught me alot of things that ppl may get in 1 yr more or less... i dream of some1 who lost her fateher in the age of 3... seeing her cry makes mii cry... i dream of meeting this old woman whose age is 66... she fall and lay unconscious for few days... all her children are in other country looking for money.... and guess who help her, a monkey... all these incident makes mii realise how im leading my life... i take things for granted... all i care is myself and not others... im sorry if i hurt anyone out there... im truly sorry... god had given another life and wish to lead it well this time.. and now, my main objectives of living is to spread love all around me... and ppl out there, pls help mii...

tears...

3:19 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
so wat if i cry??? so wat can u do??? i may need a shoulder to cry on but r u the 1??? r u willing to lend mii ur shoulder??? it's every gal wish to have their love 1 care for them although the love is 1 sided... im deeply in love wif u but u act stupid and dunno and eventually ignore the thoughts... tat hurts so much but i still love u no matter wat... by the time u read this, it might be too late... i rather continue like this than knowing that u really dun love mii... if u really love mii, can u please tell mii??? im waiting for that day... hope it wasnt too late...

y u like a person???

1:44 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
if people ask, y u like this person, would u be able to answer them??? for mii, no... i dunno the real reason... i think tat if u like some1, there shouldnt be any reason... u juz like tat person by the way the person are... really... wen u like some1, looks is totally not important... coz, tat may lead to wreakage of relationship and many more... does looks really important... although it is the first impression, if the person had bad temper and suffer alot, wat the hell for... happiness is the most important factor... but nowadays, money makes the world go round... true enough...??? u decide...

~~love is hurtful???~~

4:30 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
y must we think of the person we like time to time...? life become crazy at tat very moment... but it is a interesting and unforgettable moment too... u might juz laugh at urself wen u think of wat u did for the sake of the person... tat's wat i experience wherever i fall in love... to think of it again, it is still sad afterall... the feeling is juz killing... it may took years to heal... but tears is for sure to drop... tat's a female weakness isnt???

love???

7:50 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
i dunno how cruel love can be... it makes me jealous, sad, crazy and more... wen i like someone, i tend rto find out bout the guy more... the deeper the info, the more jealous i am... love make me cruel... y??? love r suppose to be beautiful... not hurtful... each day i find out bout tat guy, i see a gal name and rumours lingering in my head... izit true tat diz like diz gal?? really anot??? diz kind of question kept on playing mii... it really hurts mii... almost everyday, diz matter brought mii to tears... sometime i do feel tat i shouldn't fall in love as it will keep it waway from diz kind of hurtness... but i still continue falling in love...y??? so tat i'll be hurt everyday??? does love really a cruel thing?? y such thing??? izitnt suppose to be a happy moment??? can i get out of diz kind of feelings??? it drives mii crazy and i'll be crazy sooner or later... love r not suppose to be cruel... tat's wat im trying to believe as love is really beautiful...

~~life is stressful??~~

8:51 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
everyday, i overcome many new things... sometimes, the new thing tat we overcome is so hurtful tat it brought to tears unecessarily... y izit so??? i want to happy always... wat's more im in love wif some1... to think about all the things i've gone thru, i think tat im lucky to go thru all diz at the young age... on the hand, i feel tat im too young for all diz... y??? i dun understand...