i still dunno.. hahahas

10:10 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
i spend ard 5 mins to think of a suitable post title.. and i still havent decide on what to write.. LOLS..

January 2010 is ending soon.. hahahs. time flies so fast sia.. and 2010 had been wonderful so far, but i had 2-3 sadness that happened to mii.. hahahas.. i'm trying to be optimistic and move on..

as time flies, the time spend as an intern in RBS also flies... time flies so fast till one point of time, i counted that i had 3 more weeks of internship left... hahahas.. and i reallie felt sad about it... my internship ends on the 12 of feb.. which is.. erm.. 2 weeks from now.. and because of that, i spend about an hour reading my esip! remembering the time i first enter RBS, the first time working in the office life.. first time communicating with so many foreigner.. lots of first time... lots of memories.. lots of learning point.. lots and lots and lots of it.. (: overall, i'm really glad and happie to be in my team and i feel very lucky... thank you god. you had answered my prayer. but at the same time, pardon mii for being such a greedy follower, there are still many things that i had yet to achieve... but only you noe my life best and i had always believed tat you always give the best to mii... for that, i'm thankful.

oh well.. my internship had extended anyway.. till 26 feb.. yup.. 2 more weeks.. as to whether i'll continue in RBS after internship, graduation and till i go university, it's still pending.. hehehehe..

talking about university.. wah.. this one is a huge headache to mii.. and i had spend soooooo many weeks thinking about it and i'm still thinking.. LOLS.. february - the application will open and i'm like gonna send at least one application to the local uni - NUS, NTU and SMU... im hoping to get NUS or NTU of course.. but more to the NTU side.. but it's so FAR! hahahas. as to wat course i'm applying.. hmmmmm... secret.. lols! wait till i got the application den talk about it... else, just hope that i got the best for myself.. hahahahas..

i reallie feel like talking about work stuff here but really la.. cannot blog abt it.. hahahas.. all that i can say is.. my team is getting more and more happening and im loving it.. it rox.. but im worried that i cannot leave this place when it's time.. i think im like gonna cry and cry and cry.. hahahas.. MAYBE la.. sometimes, when u think u will, u will end up the NOT... hahahas.

suffering from body ache now.. argh.. i seriously need to train up sia.. hahahas.. jialat man..

i'm signing off...


9:27 PM Edit This 0 Comments »

for making mii feels like this....
if i read your msg 1000 times, i'll think, "how can i not like him?" 1000 times too! (:

Dont be good to me..

12:12 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Been badly sick.. stomach flu.. from tuesday.. and it turns severe yesterday..
how severe can it be? hmmm.. today i went to see doctor again and the doctor ask mii to drip for few hours since im unable to eat and got no energy.. good thing i had my sister in law as nurse.. she help mii out in that at home.. hahahs. few hours on it.. and i feel so much energetic now.. RAWR!

as i was badly sick, im especially thankful to those who care for mii..
sikai, valerie, nicole and zhiyuan had constantly sms-ed mii to ask mii how am i..
at work, alvin lim, ronald, joanne, sharleen, nez, vincent, auntie irene asks how i feel.. thanks!
feel especially blessed this time round.. thank you!
not forgetting amirah and syakira - sad that syakira kena stomach flu like mii also! pls recoveer soon u! hahas

just sharing something that had been troubling mii..
sometimes, it's especially easy to misunderstood someones good gesture as something else..
but it's good gesture afterall, so it's supposed to be a good thing. but if im not confident of myself to accept it, i might just get hurt if i had fallen for it.. and once i had fallen for it, it's hard to find the way back.. matters of the heart, it's hard to decipher.. haiz..
he started being close to mii and since tat, i cant stop thinking about it.. den at one point of time, he told mii to stop being too close to him.. leaving mii speechless and stunned.. when i finally restrained myself from him, he's the one coming over to mii again.. making mii all confused.. i dunno what he trying to do.. dunno what he wants.. but i'm not going to take the risk.. im going to treat him as a fren.. and just a fren..
but despite saying all this, deep down in my heart, i always anticipate what he does to mii.. anticipate his calls and his sms.. his this and his that.. haiz.. it's like there's something that makes mii keep going over to him despite mii having to avoid him and restrain myself... no matter how much i wan it, i have to tell him, dont be good to me.. i'm scared of getting hurt again..

and that's how my feelings are now.. linked to the below video.. 90% similar..

I'll end this post with this song - Don't Be Good to Me - Kim Jong Kook


10:58 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
lols.. wonders wat's bluek? doesnt it sounds like vomitting sound? YES!
lols.. been sick.. two days to be exact.. and still sick..
i was sick till the point that i cant do much except for sleep, camp in toilet and lie down.. hahahs..

i have to admit.. the reason i'm sick is becoz of someone.. haiz..
it's like his msg disappoint mii.. hurts my feelings badly till i can feel my whole body warmed up.. warmed up nvm.. wen i hear his msg ringtone again, instead of looking at it, i covered my ears and cried badly.. i totally breakdown.. i keep thinking of his msg till the point that... haiz..

and in the end, i just went to my room, skipped dinner and sleep.. well.. obviously i cant sleep coz i keep thinking about it.. but then.. somehow, i managed to fall asleep.. den comes the worst.. at 2am, i started vomitting.. vomitting once or twice nvm.. it's like constantly till my mum put a bucket in my room.. den early morning go see doctor..

i have to admit.. till now, i still cant stop thinking of it.. or cant stop thinking of him.. i was so disappointed at how he misunderstood everything.. but then again, i think why shud i care coz it's him that misunderstood and not mii.. so now, i just gonna stay silent.. recover asap.. and just ignore..

think of the happie times.. hari.. turn to the next page! lols!

RBS TP Interns BBQ 090110

1:48 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
niwaes... i'm very very happie... coz 09 Jan was a GREAT day.. i'm super tired though.. hahahs..
early morning went to wet market to buy bbq foood.. LOLS.. went with my mum and brothers.. hahahas.. and we had breakfast outside as well.. LOLS.. den rushed home to go plaza singapura to collect Edwin's bodybuilding competition tickets.. after that rushed home to pack to go to SiKai's house for the bbq.. hahahas.. im so happie.. coz some ppl tat i didnt expect to come, came.. hahahs.. in the end, the attendees are mii, sikai, nicole, vale, yizhi, ronald, alvin tan and wei choy... hahas... although not much variety of food.. i think it's quite enjoyable..

we met at simei mrt.. to shop for stuff at ntuc.. den sikai's mum fetch us.. hahahas.. gosh.. i think sikai is lucky.. i think he got a nice family.. pretty and nice mum.. cool dad.. frenly siblings.. hahahs.. seriously.. i can't help it but to compare la.. but well, everyone has their own story.. (:

sikai being the fire starter.. LOLS.. he really ah pek la.. keeps making the fire with mii and ronald.. STUPID charcoal... produce more ashes than heat.. RAWR.. den destroy my foood... LOLS.. then at some point of time, i went to play my UNO attack that i brought over last minute-ly.. LOLS.. after that, most of the time, i'm busy doing the bbqing.. yizhi came over and brought his poker cards and taught the ppl how to play bridge.. lols.. seriously, i'd never played poker nor Tie-T nor watever got to do with poker cards.. so i see no point of mii joining them.. LOLS.. the guys enjoyed bridge to the max.. and we gals spends the whole time cooking the food and pass it to them.. LOLS.. i enjoyed doing my satay! hahahs! playing with fire.. hahahs.. happie that food is cleared.. weee (:

den nicole and weichoy left early coz they got prior appt with other ppl.. soo down to vale, mii, sikai, yizhi, ronald and alvin tan.. hahas. finally mii and valerie sat down and ate the prawns.. LOLS.. the guys is still in their own world playing games.. den vale had to leave earlier.. leaving mii the only gal.. it's not a bad thing la.. coz i really dun wan to leave early.. but neither do i expect to leave THAT late.. hahas.. but i LIKE~~ lols.. niwaes, while the guys continue playing, i did my share, as a gal, by clearing the bbq place.. hahahs.. by 10 like tat, they decided to go sikai house and CONTINUE playing.. lols.. at sikai's house, i managed to wash up abit.. coz i brought extra shirt.. and my body is too oily from the bbq-ing.. hahahas.

den being the only gal and being the one hu dunno how to play bridge... i decided to read magazine~ lols.. so yizhi suggested that i either play STREET FIGHTER at PS3 or learn to play bridge.. hahas.. so i partnered sikai, hu is supposed to teach mii the game.. but i feel sorrie that they need to waste another time explaining to mii so i told them to just play and i'll learn the rope from there.. hahas.. so sikai tried his best to teach mii.. thanks for that.. but still, i dun get the bidding part! lols.. i like the hearts part and love the partner part.. haahahs. i think the game is realy nice to watch if u noe hu is hu's partner.. HAHAAS.. i ESPECIALLY entertained by Alvin's sound effect.. everytime he made a sound effect, everyone would laugh like mad.. hahahs. i like RONALD's randomness.. LOLS.. good sia... and yizhi is like soooo suay.. keep getting below 4 pts.. and for sikai.. hmmm.. i shall not say anything coz he's my partner.. LOLS.. it's really fun lor..

den they guys keep playing and playing till 2am! yes! 2am! hahahas.. so decided to fly home.. with ronald and yizhi.. reached home at ard 2.30am just to realise i dun have house key.. weee (; yes.. slept outside till 4am.. hahahas.. where my bro called mii.. LOLS.. i think i can fall sick liao.. LOLS... so quoting from valerie, 090110 RBS TP Interns BBQ is a success! muahahahas. will upload picts later.. coz now i lazy.. LOLS.. weee (:

it's so funnie.. wen i woke at 8am just now, i went to change place to sleep.. went to my brother's room.. lols.. den i keep thinking of the bbq, i think i fall asleep smiling.. i really enjoyed it.. LOLS..

ending this post with.. Betting~

This screenshot was taken from my twitter.. the reason for being nervous was becoz i made a bet on his driving test.. and i still have the bet notes on my phone.. i wrote "here's the bet.. if he passed his test, we're meant to be.. Else, i'll have to forget him.." but then, i noe the result well enuf.. i lose the bet.. follow the consequences.. maybe it's fated that way.. BUT SOMEHOW, I'M RELUCTANT... but at this point of time, i made it clear to myself, it's time to forget him.. but take ur time.. no matter how reluctant you are.. take your time.. this is the first starting point..

but somehow along the way.. he made mii waver again and again.. obviously, unintentionally.. but still what can i say.. he's clueless.. and perhaps that why i made the second bet.. but now that i think again, i'm just finding ways and manners to continue liking him.. like wat ppl say.. if u really want it, u'll make 1001 excuses.. hence this drags on..

making the bet already shows that i'm starting to think twice.. making a bet is not easy.. coz the consequences that i'm facing is something that i dun reallie wan.. lots of what if.. lots of uncertainty.. i thought alot to come to this betting.. i gather lots of courage to continue with the bet.. when the actually day arrives, i was praying hard hoping that this is for the best of both of us.. i was very nervous.. i was very scared.. it's hard to describe my emotions that day.. constant worries and constant fear.. haiz.. oh well.. it's over anyway.. just like one of my new year resolution is..

lots of lesson learnt.. lots of point taken... Hari, LEARN from it..

"A broken heart continues to beat."

"When you love somebody, they become a part of you. That’s why it hurts so much to let them go. When you love someone that doesn’t love you back, it’s hard to find a way to keep yourself on track. It leaves your heart broken and hurts so much but that’s why it’s called a crush."

"I'm gonna smile like nothing is wrong.. talk like everything is perfect, act like it's just a dream, and pretend he's not hurting me.. "

have u?

2:31 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
hmmm.. have u ever experience a situation where your mind and your heart speaks to each other? well.. i think i had mine yesterday.. maybe it doesnt sound right... but this is wat happens.. my heart was super troubled yesterday.. coz of 2 reasons.. and coz of that, i think my mood totally goes bad and i feel like crying all the time.. den at one point of time, perhaps i was trying to comfort myself, in my heart, i said - how bout this hari, dun bother about it coz it will just hurt you further - wen tat happens, i keep thinking about what i did.. lols.. it's like im talking in 3rd person perspective.. LOLS. anyways.. the brain advices the heart so that i won't get hurt.

and isit becoz i made that decision that things is starting to change? i was super tired and dun feel like going to work at all.. my right eyes keep flickering - means u gonna cry - and i keep wondering what will happen today.. oh well.. finally it happen.. and i was trying hard to control the emotion, control my reaction and chill.. but then wen ppl ask mii whether im sad or whether im okie, tears just keep rolling.. it finally happens.. and somehow im glad.. coz i told myself, new year - pls end it... and i'm halfway through the journey.. should i be changing lane? i dun think so.. coz to mii, changing lane or not, i'll still get hurt.. i'll definitely get hurt.. maybe i'll just stay this way for the time being.. i dunno whether it's a good thing or not.. but i think i wont be able to like anyone anymore.. at least not now.. that's wat i feel.. the pain is unbearable that makes mii dun wan to go thru it anymore.. it's not just becoz of him, it's everything.. everything as a whole.. at times i blame it to God coz he makes mii go thru all these.. i noe im wrong to do that.. but then.. haiz.. keep the happie memories.. and just remember it as it is... maybe there's a blessing in disguise.. although i dun care... i just feel so weak right now.. and i dun even wan to try to be optimistic..


11:39 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
well.. happie new year.. hahahas..
oh well.. nothing much is done during this long weekends..
but i think i spent most of the time sleeeeping.. and sleeeping and sleeeping.. lols

hahahs... really enjoyed the days at home.. lols
my family were are in shocked wen i tell them that i shall be at home during new year.. LOLS
they r like expecting mii to go out and hang out with frens.. but oh well.. decided to stay home.. weee (: had lots of fun with my crazy brother telling mii all sorts of joke~ hahahas

one the 3rd Jan.. i went out with sayhaow, cheemeng and eugene.. lols.. wat a GAY day.. hahahas.
spent the whole day at Bugis.. all start off with say haow needed to buy some clothes.. met the guys at 2pm(yes im late SORRIE. lols) at bugis junction.. den went to bugis street first to walk walk.. den met up with eugene... eugene was hungry.. so decided to go bugis junction to eat pastamania.. after tat, walk around the place for awhile.. where we took NEOPRINTS! yes.. GAY.. den, we went over to bencoolen for dessert.. LOLS.. after dessert, went over to OG.. after OG, we went over to bugis street again.. den go to SIM LIM for dinner.. den went to ILUMA to watch movie.. imagine walking back and fro bugis.. we got sianed and tired big time.. hahahas.. the movie~ lols! the fourth kind.. my real intention is to watch some horror movie but in the end we watch the fourth kind which is like alien movie... it's like.. if u r mentally prepared that u going to be watching a horror movie, the movie wouldnt turn out tat scary... but if it's the opposite, i guess the impact is huge.. hahahas.. tat's wat happen to mii.. how scary can an alien movie be? LOLS.. cant blame anyone but myself.. i got shocked in one of the scene and i started regretting since then.. hahahas.. dun ask how's the movie.. after the movie, the 3 of us turned speechless.. we got no comment about the movie however we r left with lots of question in the head.. hahahs.. oh well~

den nothing much.. i spend most of the time catching up with my dramas and variety shows.. got addicted to 2PM tired of waiting.. see below...

here's sth to reflect sth tat i spend some time thinking..
please just look at me for one last time..i couldnt say anything...
i'm the one who's crying like a fool..why can't you understand my heart..my heart tightens as time passes.. my eyes squeezing tears out... i am scared that this is the end....
i have lots to say so please listen.. do you know how i feel and i've confessed countless times... with or without you i have worry syndrome...don't neglect mii.. i want you by my side...
shivering lips and my heart won't last much..i am scared that it might stop..
did you get my sign? weeee (: